Skip to main content

Shocking New Report: Santa Claus Arrested!

In a shocking blow to children everywhere, Santa Claus was arrested on Christmas Day as he returned home from a night of distributing gifts. It seems that these items are not actual brand-name items but high quality knock-offs produced by workers at a secret North Pole factory. Mr. Claus has been charged with thousands of counts of copyright violation, patent infringement, and theft of intellectual property, with new charges being added every day.

Children and teens all over the world are aghast at a deception that has aparently been going on for centuries. Thousands of teen-age and college age girls, especially in the US, were outraged upon learning that the designer clothes they got for Christmas were not authentic. Charity groups and landfills alike have been swamped with tons designer clothes, shoes, and accessories. Several charities have asked that people stop donating and learn to live with the shame of being not quite authentic. After all, they said, you can't really tell.

This reaction, however, was nothing compared to the outrage of several hi-tech companies. Dell, HP, Microsoft, Apple, etc. are up in arms. In several press releases, these companies blasted Mr. Claus for forcing them to spend money to support millions of computers, software, ipods, etc. that they didn't make or sell themselves. One press release stated, "It is completely unethical for somebody to flood the market with so many products and expect the industry to spend their resources supporting them." Another company stated, "We hope that fat old man rots in jail for his wanton destruction of our business models." These companies are trying to track down the Santa Claus fakes and make sure that they don't get any support (though some companies will offer fee-based support for their products). The billions of dollars in percieved losses caused the stock values of many of these companies to drop significantly.

The recording and movie industries are also going after Mr. Claus for allegedly pirating millions of albums and movies. In a joint press release they stated, "Mr. Claus has done more harm to the movie and music business in one night than all of the pre-teen movie and music pirates have done up to this time." The lawsuits being contemplated may spiral into the trillions of dollars.

In response to the charges, Mr. Claus was quoted as saying, "I was just trying to give a little happiness and joy to the children of the world." In response, lawyers representing most of the major retail outlets stated, "It is hard to imagine the arrogance and lack of respect that would cause him to commit such atrocities. Happiness and joy aren't to be given out freely, they're to be bought and paid for like everything else."

Comments

Jeff said…
I thought I'd try a little satire. Let me know what you think.

Popular posts from this blog

Insteon: Controller vs Responder

This entry is going to be more of a technical article.  If you're not planning on setting up scenes in an Insteon environment, this isn't for you.  If you are or like me, have been running into some confusion about what should be set up as a controller, what should be a responder, and what should be both.  Here's what I learned.

I've been using Insteon switches for a couple of years now and had set up a few scenes.  When adding a switch to a scene, you have the option of adding it as a controller, a responder, or both.  Not knowing the difference and wanting to cover my bases, I set all of my scenes to both.  Since my scenes were all timing type scenes (e.g. turn on night lights at sunset) it worked fine.  Then I added an 8 button keypad and started programming the buttons to control other lights.  The program for this, of course, is a scene.  Once again, I set every switch and button as both a controller and a responder.  Then I created a scene, specifically for my E…

Michelangelo

I just finished reading The Agony and the Ecstasy by Irving Stone. It's a biographical novel of Michelangelo (you know, the famous sculptor/artist whose statue of David and the paintings in the Cistine Chapel are super famous) that gives a very interesting view of his life. It seems that while Michelangelo had a very productive life, it wasn't a very happy one.

One of the first things that I noticed about Stone's portrayel of Michelangelo is that he was obsessed with creating sculptures and a true perfectionist. For a large portion of his life (into his 60s it seems) his every action was calculated toward a goal of sculpting marble - either getting a commission or improving his talent (or both). Not only did he want to sculpt, he wanted his pieces to be as real as possible.

His obsession with carving perfect sculptures drove him to do endless studies of the human form. He even spent months sneaking into a morgue to dissect bodies so he could figure out how the body real…

Insteon Hub - The Achilles Heel of Insteon

A couple of weeks before Christmas, my Insteon hub died.  There were no pyrotechnics or alarms and to the disappointment of the TV generation, nothing exploded and no people were thrown across the room.  What did happen is that I tried to turn on some lights with my Amazon Echo and it told me that it couldn't connect to the Insteon hub.  That's weird - so I took a look at it.

The Insteon hub is a plain, white, square device with a single light on the front that is green when all is well and red when there's a problem (usually a network issue).  I looked at the hub and the light was off.  That's new.  I unplugged it and plugged it back in.  Nothing.  I hit the reset button (which I had never before used).  Nothing.  It was dead as a doornail.

This was quite a surprise.  My hub had served me well for over two years.  Even worse, the two year warranty had expired a couple of months before.  Bother!

However, all was not lost.  All of my Insteon switches still worked.  All…